Are You Codependent or Independent?

Brian Maloney

Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our self worth is
a concept that we all can relate to? Sacrificing what our
thoughts, emotions, decisions, and likes or dislikes are, for
the betterment of someone else�s.

It is as if depending on the other person who you hold so
high is more fulfilling then standing alone, independent of
the other. It�s root resides in a past when a person didn�t
realize they really had wings that could fly. Therefore, for
fear of abandonment, they suppressed their own self worth,
avoided confrontation, and then continued to please who
they were dependent upon.

In contrast, the counterdependent person who has someone
codependent towards them, is pretending that they don�t
need anyone else and have concluded that people only need

Both codependency and counterdependency are an internal
defense systems that shield and protect from past wounds
of abandonment. They both are dysfunctional and lead the
codependent person down a tattered road of unfulfillment
and eventually depression.

Perhaps, it could be said that all of us are, to some degree,
dependent upon others because, after all, we are social
creatures who inevitably need each other in some capacity.

However, when it saps your very core of enjoying the gift
of life God gave you, then the sun never rises and the
darkness only gets darker.

We came into this world alone and we will also leave that

Inner strength comes from a true respect and love for
yourself, no matter what the situation or condition is.
Although, deep within many of our wounded souls, that
love is not strong and therefore self respect is not properly

This is where your deep-seated self-worth is obtained and
how you perceive yourself. In addition, it is the weakened
aura you emit to others see you that is not totally erect, but
somewhat wilted.

Many of our true societal problems, whether they are
insecurity, control issues, codependency, addictions,
manipulative personality disorder, seclusion, or simple
anger, stemmed from a lack of self love, self worth, and
self respect.
Hence, people replace one problem for the another!

If you are lonely inside and do not feel as though you can
love the real you, then any and all subsequent relationships
will feel that same inner turmoil until your inside is truly

These social problems listed above can intertwine,
commingle and cross each other�s boundaries in a very
insidious manner.

There is not one issue more serious than the other, they are
more or less on an equal plane and being dependent on
another, is certainly no exception.

By not allowing one�s self-worth to be determined by
another�s perceptions, by not feeling that being loved by
another is conditional on living up to the expectations of
others, or merely pleasing them, is absolutely critical to
healthy functioning!

Taking full accountability for the way you feel instead of
others making that discerning determination allows you to
be self dependent, kicks out the crutch, and makes you
stand alone.

As scary as that may seem to some, it is by far the best way
to perceive your self-worth. Trusting that you can own
your own emotions, whether they are anger, happiness,
setting boundaries, or leaving, is how we can come to the
serene life we always dreamed of as a child.

These decisions and self-adjustments for the better can be
made! It takes a personal acceptance and a subsequent love
for yourself: then the fragile person previously tethering by
a string, is now firmly tied unto itself, immersed in self
confidence and independent,
not codependent.

--by Brian
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