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Is Conflict Inevitable in any Intimate Relationship?

By Brian Maloney

It is often as misunderstood as anything else regarding personal
intimate relationships. Conflict is and never has been
something new, as it has been going on since the dawn of

So why is it, that in intimate relationships, we feel that
conflict is inevitable? Is it not something we can avoid
considering we are with someone who is so close to us, and we
see them an intimate part of our life?

The fact is that conflict certainly is inevitable in any healthy

However, to what degree do we consider conflict in our life
is undoubtedly the burning question? When one considers a
mate for a long term relationship, they are usually by then
caught up in the emotions of this new endeavor and are not
considering that there will obviously be conflict throughout.

Whether sporadic or consistent, it is absolutely natural to
have differences in opinion, viewpoints and approaches.
Moreover, if we were to all agree on practically everything
all the time, we wouldn’t see the forest for the trees!

It is a fact that conflict in a relationship has its place, but
does it naturally tend to resolve itself, or does it merely
fester in the relationship and cause additional strife that
tends to suppress it?

If it is the latter, then the conflict is going beyond an
organic occurrence, and it has become a hindrance in the
relationships progression.

How would we know when this conflict is becoming too
much for the relationship?

If conflict is not resolved within a day, if its occurrences
are such that you feel that they are overwhelming to the
health of the relationship, or if you feel yourself holding a
grudge or your partner is, and a resolution is difficult at

These instances are many times dealbreakers inside the
inner mechanisms of an ongoing relationship. It goes to
the simple theory of cost vs. benefit.

The cost of having this relationship outweigh the benefits
that it should yield.


It can come down to basic respect for your partner and
looking at them as an equal to you not below you and vice
versa. If you fundamentally respect your partners very core
person, than you can ultimately come to a resolution (
unless of course they killed someone), to your

However, if you and your partner are so hard headed that
you can’t come to a resolution to your differences and the
relationship always suffers as a result; you must either
come together and recognize this as a problem, or possibly
move on to seek more harmonious partnerships.

It can be a hard row to hoe, but in the long run, examining
this question of conflict in intimate relationships can
galvanize you and your partner, not only towards each
other, but to all of your relationships.

--by Brian
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