What is Jealousy - How to Cope in Relationships

By Brian Maloney - valueprep.com

Jealousy has been around since the dawn of humanity and will be until the
end of time. So what is jealousy? In the American heritage
dictionary states that it is: Fearful of loss of position or affection,
resentful in rivalry; envious, possesively watchful; vigilant.

Moreover, envy has a strong tie to jealousy in that it reads from the same
book as: A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by anothers
desirable possessions or qualities, with a strong desire to have them for
oneself. It continues to read as compared to jealousy: A possession of
another that is strongly desired. One who posseses what another strongly
desires.

Now, if you're not confused about the differences between jealousy
and envy you could be with a second look. Did you notice that the
dictionary co-mingled envy into the jealousy definition; however, did not
insert jealousy into envy.

Distinguishing one from the other would be wise in order to examining
oneself with regard to this feeling.

When a person shows envy, it's more tied to anothers possessions;
whereas, in one being jealous, it is more rooted in someone losing
another's affections or there postions in life. Although, the two can,
and many times are intertwined, this can cause more
confusion for a person who desires to understand them better.

The psychology behind this delusional emotion.....

It cannot be overstated that a jealous emotion is triggered by one's lack of
personal security within themselves; therefore, when one feels less than
totally secure, the mind can spin itself into a web of self-doubt instantly.

Insecurity is a natural emotion we have had since we were children. We
are insecure when mommy or daddy is not around. As a child, we are
insecure when we are left somewhere for a seemingly longer than normal
period of time. As we grew, so did our insecurities. When other kids
would tease or belittle you in school for, what we would consider now to
be trivial and nonsensical, our security was questioned.

Comprehensively, the insecurities from being young to adulthood can, and many
times do, grow quite abundantly. Jealousy, in many people, will simply not
be left behind in the compilation of insecurities and so many times we stuff
it inside our internal luggage compartment along with control,
manipulation, and self worth among the many other dead weights.

Trust....

We only trust what we can truly believe inside. If there is an
overwhelming sense of doubt about your mate's intentions, you can bet a
jealous emotion might not be far behind. So, what is the line that people
cross that simply is so overbearing that it sabatoges one's relationships?

If there is a natural residue of jealous emotions embedded deep inside all of
us, then crossing into a different realm of this feeling to a pathologic
degree detrimentally affects the health of a relationship.

When you cannot fully trust in your partner whether spouse, boyfriend/
girlfriend, then your security within the confines of the relationship is
comprimised. This can manifest itself into your own internal wheels
spinning out of control, thinking and analyzing too much.

'The wheels of this feeling use regular fuel to propel itself and by mixing
trust into the equation, you have a full fledged rocket powered sports car'!

If people have a legitimate reason for not trusting their mate,
and have a good sense of security, they will not present the same behaviors
as the classic insecure individual. This someone who is so watchful that
they can envision their mate with another on an intimate basis, and do
uncontrollably.

Constant confrontation....

Usually, when people are confronted with the fact that they are not trusted
by their mate whenever they are outside their home, they tend to feel
poorly about their position within the relationship, therefore breeding
nothing but bad feelings towards it.

Once more, if one is constantantly being barraged by accusatory bullets
of indescretions, then the tires wear to the point where the tread starts to
evaporate. For example, in one's mind, you tend to wonder why your
mate is so obsessed with your not talking to the opposite sex at work, or
at a resteraunt.

It then becomes an obsession of sorts. This obsession circulates inside the
jealous mind like a house with all the windows open. Its cycle of distrust
is embedded within the accuser many times, to the point of destroying the
relationship it tries so very hard to protect.

Whether you warrent your mate's untrusting vigalence, or you have never
given any reason for it, the key to unlocking the door that holds the
relationship hostage lives within the jealous mind. Re-wiring and training
the brain to not always react when dealing with jealousy by understanding
its security root and letting trust and faith back into the relationship, simply
injects much more health into its existence.

All of this for three easy payments of letting go! Letting go of the
concepts that imprison a jealous person; letting go of feeling insecure
inside the relationship, whether past experiences or not, and letting go of
not trusting the other person to the extent that it incapcitates the
relationship.

When you let go of a unrealistic notion, you are thinking with the lucid
clarity and logic that you have always been blessed with but could never
come to realise. Living under these health-filled conditions yields more
fruit then one could ever imagine and glides instead of sputters a
relationship towards a brighter, more prosperous future.

Easier said then done, right?

It all depends on what internal and external forces one lets impede their
progress. If one always put their best foot forward to only go two back
because of internal strife, it would equal a two to one negative ratio.
However, if one proceeds just the opposite with two forward and as life
would have it, one back because in life nothing is perfect?, then mounting
a program for progress can be undertaken.

This emotion can be tackled and beat. Whether one women is jealous of
another and the claws are always out, or a man cannot literally stand the
thought of his wife looking at another man where he may, in turn, wind up
stalking her.

If a person is so insecure that letting go of the very grip this
emotion takes upon them is merely impossible through self examination or
professional assistance, it could not only destroy the relationship, but lead
to more serious consequences such as physical abuse or worst, murder.

Getting to this point where a relationship is on the verge of being
destroyed because of someone else's false assumptions or misguided ideas
puts the onus onto the accuser to make or break the deal.

However, when the person accused starts to bring this problem to light to
the accuser, specific needs must be addressed verbally towards the jealous
person that enables them to fully understand the magnitude of the situation
at hand.

If the jealous person cannot remedy themselves through these hardline
talks and measures, then seeking out professional help is not a bad idea.
However, you cannot squeeze anything out of a rock?!

There is a cost-benefit analysis that people could practically plug into
every aspect of decision-making in life, and this is no exception.

Is the cost of staying in a relationship under these conditions worth the
benefit it yields in the long term, or is it simply too costly to maintain its
existence?

Time is of the essence in overcoming jealousy!

Time waits for no one and is indifferent to everyone's needs. Is it more
valueable than money? Probably. However, that truly depends on who
you ask, but if it was my decision, I would take three hundred guaranteed
good years of life with very little money versus fifty to a hundred with
plenty of wealth.

So many times, time itself is wasted in relationships that, from a logical
thinking mind, is obviously a dead end?. Although, hoping ro things to
get better can use up a lot of that precious time, and many of us can be
spending in more fruitful, and mutually beneficial relationships.

Happiness is what we all deserve, and seeking it out is what we all should
do; however, repairing what is wrong with us is absolutely attainable with
self-examination using logic as a basis for it. In turn, mending of a
relationship by repairing ourself is worth every minute spent on it
because of the foundation and history that exists within a couple.

Undoubtedly, not giving up by working on overcoming jealous behaviors,
curbing their existence through dealing with ones own security issues, can
preserve that time invested and propel the relationship into the future.

Everyone has a choice and there are always two ways of looking at it, but
at the end of the day, admission of the problem, and attempting vigorously
to obtain solutions for the betterment of the relationship is the only way it
can survive.

Otherwise, it is doomed for another chunk of time wasted that one could
have been using more effectively, therefore, moving on would be the next
inevitable step.

For more in-depth information on this relationship issue from a
phenominal author specializing in this very subject, read this
special jealousy book. It delves deeper into solutions that can be utilized
by anyone and how to properly implement them for preservation of one's
relationship, or eventual separation.

I sincerely wish every reader the very best in fixing this problem and to
know that it is correctable, it just takes the willingness of both parties to
come together.